Love Yourself

You belittle how I feel because you’re not big enough to man up. I’m tired of being on an emotional rollercoaster, that crashes into a dumb. The shit from the dumb slams on to a window looking gross, lopsided and disproportioned, I’m there to clean it up.You want all the glory and want me to do all the work, while you refuse to be the antidote to the poisonous pain you’ve caused me and countless other souls that were captured by the light on the outside. What hurts most is that you never forced me to love you, it was worse you manipulated and made me feel like I was supposed to. I was wrong in what I thought was special…I thought only love could bring it out of you. I see that you’re too sick to want to get well, you’ve given up! Now, I’m left only to love myself.

The cycle continues…

I’m trapped in a cycle of love, looking for answers deep beneath the surface that lures him to love me

I’m trapped in a cycle of love that feels only isolated, cold, reluctantly bold

I’m trapped in a cycle of love, because it hurts to be brave and open up

I’m trapped in a cycle of love, my generation scorned by matching Jordan’s and love means can you afford it?

I’m trapped in a cycle of love, that feels more like loveless and the only way to get attention is by showing your naked ass

I’m trapped in a cycle of love, when sliding in my dm is how u make a pass and going on a real date is a thing of the past

I’m trapped in a cycle of love, when what’s trending matters more than a conversation with true meaning

I’m trapped, I’m trapped, I’m trapped in a cycle of love, that desperately needs changing!

Balance in Bullshit

It’s almost been a year since your life changed, our lives have changed forever

I’m as equally angry as I am grateful

I have been broken, yet I’ve evolved into a masterpiece

I have learned from the one that I teach

Helping me become a better me

Life is never black and white despite how simple things could be, could’ve been

I am grateful for the truth that I will forever suffer with…knowing

I find peace in my suffering

I will prevail and we will conquer ZZ

We will fight for our happiness and our honor

I’m not alone and that brings me comfort

Appreciate the opportunity to make it all right

Find balance in the bullshit “yeah that’s right”

Your Dead to Me

All these thoughts in my head I can’t believe I was misled to think I can trust you

After all the time we spent together

I thought it was love boo

Then you turned on me like when the sky turns from black to blue

Your strike hit like a brick

Left me dazed and amazed that you could lie straight to my face without leaving a trace of deceit

I have an angel one that you failed to see, I was guided to the truth about you

Your a disgusting piece of trash…how could you?

The feeling gets worse everyday I think about it

Making me want to gag and spit, I wish I could dig a ditch to throw you in

Sprinkle acid like fairy dust at the sight of you

Run you over a thousand times with a semi truck

Burn you with cigarette butts

Better yet hang you by the neck

Unfortunately your not dead yet, but Your Dead to Me!

A n c h o r

He’s an anchor to your happiness, should you have to cut off your own limb to leave him . So be it! The only way to achieve it is to leave it… leave the bullshit leave the lies… guurrl you trippin. He then turned you into a full blown spy

Checking fb and instagram Tryna keep up with him. Jail bond who had it?? You went all out because just for a moment you had no doubt that he was the one, then he turned on you like the moon did the sun.

He’s and anchor to your happiness, because u let him. Amputate your own limb to save your space, your true happiness you shouldn’t have to chase…

After a half ass man that only brings you down ever notice that when he’s around you frown and when he’s gone you smile? He’s an anchor to your happiness guurrl he’s got to go!

I only say this because I know, I was once you..a girl that didn’t know her own worth, that didn’t know when to let go.

Chasing the arms of a man that was just as damaged as me .. he’s an anchor to your happiness, let him go so you can be happy.

NERVOUS BLEEDING IN MY BRAIN (POETRY W/AUDIO) RATED R

mentalnotes1

My Dr. told me I had a nervous bleeding in my brain

The judge told me I was criminally insane

I knew some of my crazy was from the cocaine

See I’ve had my lover tied up in the basement for, only God knows when

I looked at him and said…

YOU WILL STAY WITH ME AND YOU’LL STAY UNTIL THE VERY END

Crying clowns and morbid sounds

Crows above

And blood filled tubs

Mask and cutting glass

Black moons and poison mushrooms

Empty rooms filled with witches brooms

A jackals tale seeing acid trails

A dirty deed planted with demonic seeds

A haunted trust with piercing thrusts

Gagged with rags and gasoline bags

Heart melting eyes singing cryptic lullabies

Tormented mimes with twisted spines

Sickening rhymes with catholic chimes

A fantasy reversed with a witches curse

A dog moon with hidden rooms

A serpent’s tail stuffed with human cells

View original post 140 more words

Gun Smoke

It’s a new year but I’m hunted by the past.

Its 2018 but I can’t help thinking about how long the thoughts of you will last…

Get out of my head!!!

I meant it, I mean it… to me your dead.

I’m cold now and Your just lucky…

I hate you!! That’s what I said

If it was anybody else, your body would be filled with lead.

Gun smoke!

Decisions Decisions

The way my life is set up right now I barely have time to write, however, there’s always time to think. I spend a lot of time thinking about my current circumstances and how my actions have and will continue to pave my future. My step dad used to talk about “decisions decisions decisions,” because the decisions we make directly affect our futures. The sad part, not only do these decisions affect us as individuals but it will certainly affect those that are close to us.

I say this because recently I’ve been faced with having to make some real hard decisions. Things that involve family values, finances, relationships, children, and the hardest of all sacrifice. I’m a year from thirty and I feel like the first time in a very long time I know what I don’t want. I’m still working on what I do want but I know I want love peace and most of all happiness. Not only for myself but my children and those that are close to me. Sometimes those that are close to you can affect your life not always in the most positive ways and I can’t allow others circumstances affect me and my children. This has helped enlighten the fact that it’s not all about me but has everything to do with me.

mommy and zz

This is where the sacrifice must be made. I either let go of what was and focus on what is to come or rid myself of the uncertain and build on what I know to be solid. I like taking the risk because the curiousness that lies within me brings forth excitement. This excitement can lead to me learning new and exciting things and helping me truly come to terms with what I really want out of my life,  rephrase I know what I want I just don’t know exactly how to get there. I’m the queen of going with the flow.

This may not be whats best for my children, the need to be solid and routine is always important. I must put my want to explore and take chances on hold while I build A solid foundation for them. This brings me back to the people in our lives and how it affects how we approach life. Have you ever been on the right course and then you let an old friend back into your life or meet someone new and everything starts to change for the worst? Maybe their reality is projecting on yours. This example can happen in the opposite effect as well. People should compliment your life not disrupt it. We should be mindful of the people around us and how their feeling and thoughts, directly and indirectly, affect us.

I have a heart of gold *my opinion lol*  It’s hard to digest that not everyone values that. They certainly want to benefit from your good qualities but don’t want to possess those same qualities themselves. I feel as if I’m reaching a new point of understanding and I don’t have time to teach capable and able adults instead I have to be better for my babies, the universe knows my heart, and I ask God to help me and continue me on the right path to true success and happiness.


“I can show you but I cant make you see, in order to see you have to be willing to open your eyes.”