Struggle has always been apart of my life. Ever since I was a little girl hard times have never been foreign to me. I sometimes sit back and ask why me? Why did I have a father who wanted my mother to abort me? Why did I have to lose my mother 3 months after my sweet sixteenth birthday? What is the reason I’m giving the title to be the ROCK of my family. Sure I’m the oldest of five and we all grew up on the east side of Detroit, MI. Yes, my mother was apart of the many statistics in the late 80’s and early 90’s. Single mother on welfare. I was raised by a strong black woman that no matter the struggle her heart was huge. We always had what we needed, and when things got rough we all laughed through our pain.
I would sometimes hear my mother weep in the late hours of the night. Sometimes she would be so frustrated at her position in life she would throw things and just break down crying and yelling. Then she would clean up the mess she made, apologize to her children talk to us about life, lace up her boots, and do it all over again. This woman my mother is an example of strength,never giving up, and fighting until your very last breath. The obstacles me and my family have endured over the years can swell a tear in the toughest person eyes. I know that life has obstacles, but it shouldn’t have to be so hard.
They say “what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.” On the contrary if it doesn’t kill you it certainly can alter the way you see people and how you view life. Life wouldn’t be worth living without ups and downs ,but sometimes I feel like I’m in a revolving door of the downs and never really coming out. It’s like I’m drowning only coming up for air just enough to stay alive. That’s not living that’s surviving. Many work forty hours a week, one hundred sixty hours a month,and one thousand nine hundred and twenty hours a year just to make ends meat. Life shouldn’t have to be so hard!
In no way am I complaining. I’ve had to over come life struggles since before mother went back to the essence. To watch your only parent suffer just to care for you, your siblings, with a terminal illness, and there is absolutely nothing you can do to change the circumstances; I felt absolutely powerless! As I write I realize I’m only giving my audience a glimpse into my reality but I hope that some can relate and understand my pain. I know that everyone has a story and some have overcome obstacles far greater than mine. Should that make my story less credible? I’ve thought for years that there are people that are worse off than me, so I should suck it up, and do what I have to do. Now I see that was never fair to me, I matter my struggle matters, and I’m healing. In order to heal we must address the deepest issues smothered underneath our half assed smiles.
Struggle is something we are all faced with in one way or another. Some wallow in there struggle, some don’t even see the dysfunction in which they live, some become content, and others acknowledge that no matter where you are in life the struggle is always real. The is no way to avoid bad things happening to good people. It just comes with the territory in life.
I’m a person full of pain and optimism;
reaching for the stars and beyond