Last night I fought my anxiety by redirecting my energy and forcing myself to find something to offer me peace. *I’m so proud of myself* After a long and frustrating day, I managed not yell or take my frustrations out on the stranger in the car in front of me. I simply took a deep breath and the kids and I made our way through the door of our apartment. I showered while the pizza cooked in the oven and the kids were watching cartoons *PBS kids* Finally I finished showering, feeling refreshed but drained. Then it was the kids turn to wash their little booties, meanwhile the pizza cooled. We ate, and one by one they fell asleep.
I was exhausted myself, but was having trouble getting to sleep. Its hard to fall asleep with a broken heart, but then again that’s all you want to do, so you don’t have to feel that aching feeling of rejection and despair. As my face hits the pillow a lay alone in a bed that was once filled with two warm bodies cozy together. Now its just me alone laying there instantly I go into my thoughts. This can go on for what feels like hours, constantly analyzing what I did wrong. Or was it even me at all? I think to myself, I have to hold some responsibility for my broken heart even though I still don’t understand whats so hard about loving a person you say you really love? *I guess that’s a question I should ask him*
*Anyways* I didn’t want to cry last night, so I thought about the nap I took in my car earlier that day, during my lunch break at work. It was about a 25 minute power nap and on my way to sleep I could hear the trees singing. It was like a lullaby from mother nature to my the broken soul. *my kids are my light and joy, everything else sucks right now* I listened to each leaf sing a tune and it eased me right to sleep.
My irritation starts as my head rest on the pillow and I quickly remembered the trees and the beautiful tune each leaf sang. I went to my smart phone and typed in YouTube “listen to the trees”…I don’t remember much else from last night, because I fell right to sleep. Maybe this can help someone else, a person who over thinks during bed time or maybe it can help ease unpleasant feelings of Anxiety and stress. *whatever the reason…Enjoy!*
I’m a person full of pain and optimism;
reaching for the stars and beyond