Decisions Decisions

The way my life is set up right now I barely have time to write, however, there’s always time to think. I spend a lot of time thinking about my current circumstances and how my actions have and will continue to pave my future. My step dad used to talk about “decisions decisions decisions,” because the decisions we make directly affect our futures. The sad part, not only do these decisions affect us as individuals but it will certainly affect those that are close to us.

I say this because recently I’ve been faced with having to make some real hard decisions. Things that involve family values, finances, relationships, children, and the hardest of all sacrifice. I’m a year from thirty and I feel like the first time in a very long time I know what I don’t want. I’m still working on what I do want but I know I want love peace and most of all happiness. Not only for myself but my children and those that are close to me. Sometimes those that are close to you can affect your life not always in the most positive ways and I can’t allow others circumstances affect me and my children. This has helped enlighten the fact that it’s not all about me but has everything to do with me.

mommy and zz

This is where the sacrifice must be made. I either let go of what was and focus on what is to come or rid myself of the uncertain and build on what I know to be solid. I like taking the risk because the curiousness that lies within me brings forth excitement. This excitement can lead to me learning new and exciting things and helping me truly come to terms with what I really want out of my life,  rephrase I know what I want I just don’t know exactly how to get there. I’m the queen of going with the flow.

This may not be whats best for my children, the need to be solid and routine is always important. I must put my want to explore and take chances on hold while I build A solid foundation for them. This brings me back to the people in our lives and how it affects how we approach life. Have you ever been on the right course and then you let an old friend back into your life or meet someone new and everything starts to change for the worst? Maybe their reality is projecting on yours. This example can happen in the opposite effect as well. People should compliment your life not disrupt it. We should be mindful of the people around us and how their feeling and thoughts, directly and indirectly, affect us.

I have a heart of gold *my opinion lol*  It’s hard to digest that not everyone values that. They certainly want to benefit from your good qualities but don’t want to possess those same qualities themselves. I feel as if I’m reaching a new point of understanding and I don’t have time to teach capable and able adults instead I have to be better for my babies, the universe knows my heart, and I ask God to help me and continue me on the right path to true success and happiness.

“I can show you but I cant make you see, in order to see you have to be willing to open your eyes.”

It’s Been A While

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. I don’t know I guess I’m just living right now. I’m always writing or thinking of cool things to write about, and then time gets stolen by kids, work, relationship, friends, outside events, and just life and general. I will always come back to reflect on my life and my blog is just the place to do it. I hope you all are enjoying this summer and blogging about the cool experiences you’ve endured thus far.

If you’re enjoying your summer exploring the planet, or just sipping on a glass of lemonade in the backyard I would love to see a pic or a link to a blog to get to know you all bit more.

Until next time… 🙂

Minnesota Nice!

I live in that one city where the 35W bridge literally collapsed! *My condolences*

I have no idea why I’m still in Minneapolis MN, it’s mostly parks, lakes, really happy people, outside of your fake ass Minnesota Nice folks, and apparently really crappy bridges! I remember when I moved here the middle of my sophomore year in high school I was happy to relocate back to the Midwest from Northern Cali, Sacremento to be exact.

Shit was so different in Cali, the way they talked, the way they dressed, the music for damn sure, and lots of burning rubber. Clearly, the adults there never got over their Ring Around the Rosey phase because Going Stupid and Going Dumb is inevitable, you can blame E-40 for that. lol

Anyhow, Cali was cool and all but Midwest is where my heart is! Born in Gary, Indiana raised in Detroit, MI I guess you could say I’m a real thoroughbred or mutt depending on how you look at it. Just know that I am extremely down to earth. I’ve lived in several states throughout my life which has molded me into the very versatile person I am today.

Now back to why the Hell I live in Minneapolis: First of all, the thing I hate the most is the terrible drivers. I mean gosh G Wally we have some of the worst weather conditions, driving in black ice with countless inches of snow, having to drive slow, so in that case, I understand. You would think if we can survive all of that during winter months the spring fall and summer would be a breeze, WRONG when the snow melts it’s like these MF’s don’t know what GO means.

I’m at least 5 minutes late for work almost every day only because people want to take a Sunday Cruz during rush hour on Monday Morning. I have never seen so many white headed men and women drive in my life. I mean grandma is clearly over 70 why the hell is her license being renewed? It grinds my gears so bad, and all I can do is sit in my car powerless and annoyed until I make it to my destination.

The people here are selfish! Do you know how many times I’ve signaled to get over and the other driver refuses to let me in? So I get behind him only for his ass to go slow like wtf would it have mattered if I got in front of you, I’m trying to go faster than you, idiot!

This is the art of passive and the epidemy of aggressive. Like why are you, a stranger trying to stop another stranger from getting somewhere in life? Like asshole, I could be rushing to the hospital because my kid is dying and all you’re worried about is me cutting you off. Petty!

Moving on to my second reason for hating this damn city! Okay, so Minnesota is known for the slogan Minnesota Nice. Bullshit you people are the rudest but just fake about it. They’re straight up Passive aggressive, as a matter of fact, I think MN Natives might be responsible for the term Passive Aggressive.

Where I’m from if somebody doesn’t like you they simply won’t talk to you or they will tell you to your face they don’t fuck with you.

Here you will be talking to the same person at the bus stop every morning thinking you two are acquainted only for them to see you at a different bus stop and that person won’t even speak. Or they will speak and as soon as you turn your back there talking about how much they don’t like you. Then why were you just being nice? I’m confused!

One time I was sitting on my friend front step and this guy walked past. As he walks past I said “hi, how you doin” He said nothing, not even a halved ass grin. The irony in him wearing a Minnesota Nice shirt humored me. I will never forget that small encounter with what I assume to be a Minnesota native.

Let’s not mention the huge rent increases across the city every year. Until I purchase my first home I’m literally screwed by paying more for the same exact apartment or moving every year to somewhen cheaper and further away from the city. There are condos every damn where 500 sqft for $1200.00 a month, well you can just slap me on the fanny and call me Sally because I would never! will be damned if that super bowl coming next year ain’t the reason why they’ve ripped up half the got damn city.So much for fun activities this summer, we spend most of our time traffic. Don’t get me started on the traffic/ driving issue again.

I just don’t see how the cost of living goes up every year but my wages do not..I guess that’s a global issue rather than local, but still, most can relate to how frustrating that can be.

It’s not all bad:

As the saying goes it’s not about where you’re from but where you’re at, and it’s not all bad. I can pull over virtually anywhere and find a body of water, being as though were also know as the land of 10,000 lakes. Actually, it’s 11,842 says Google.

I get the share the same Zodiac sign( Gemini) with the late and famous Prince (June 7, 1958- April 21, 2016). His death crowned Minnesota as the Home of the Purple Rain!!!! 

Oh did I mention there are just as many parks as there are lakes in this boring ass town lol

Are you a sucker for Casserole? Well, Minnesota is famous for making string bean casserole tater tot casserole, pretty much anything that you can call  Casa-Role lol.

I can’t talk too much shit about where I live after all my two beautiful children are Minnesota born. lol Anyways I hope you all enjoyed 🙂

A Spell of Gray

you’re great in almost every way, yet there is nothing you can do to make me stay,  it’s like no matter how much we laugh and play in the end I get a spell of gray.

I wondered if it was me, or if we were ever meant to be, that lightning bolt that only we could see was all for nothing.

I looked within for answers to determine this factor, it’s the specific way you hurt me is why I must go when you hurt me you hurt my mind, my heart, my soul.


Relationships and Double Standards

I will create the most common scenario and I’m sure a vast amount of women can attest to this at some point during their relationship. Guy meets a girl, he promises to be different than all the rest, to be faithful, honest, and most importantly he promises not to hurt her. In most cases sad to say guys start to show their inability to commit at or around the three-month span of a dating/relationship situation. Why do guys have to lead women on? Why do guys think it’s fair to play the field but then aspect their mate to be 100% committed to them? I mean guys are usually pretty tough critics of their girlfriends in aspects of having friends of the opposite sex, being flirtatious, social media, being friends with exes, and the list goes on. On the contrary, he will find every reason to excuse his actions when it comes to the same type of situations.

This is my problem and why I may fail at most relationships. I have a king awareness and detect flawed quickly. I am also a reasonable person who likes to give a guy the benefit of the doubt, at the risk of being hurt. I mean taking a risk is what you have to do when you’re trying to obtain true love. Right? However, it’s a game ladies whether we like it or not. What I’ve come to realize is in order to get what you want you must play the Game, but for how long? Initially yes, you wait for him to call first, you see if he’s willing to pay for the first date, you see if he’s going to try to have sex on the first date? So we, in fact, play the game, however, once a certain amount of times passes these games should start to fade and you both should be at a healthy space to be more open and always honest about what you both want.  RED ALERT READ ALER!! This is where most guys fail! Guys don’t know when to transition from the playing phase to a commitment. He can like her a lot, heck he may even love her, but to actually commit to her in a relationship is a challenge.

I dated a guy for 6-7 months and he never could commit. He continued to be indecisive about whether he really wanted me or not, but in the midst of that he expected me to cut all ties with other guys, he expected me to put my heart on a silver platter for him meanwhile he kept his heart guarded and kept his options open. In any dating situation, there should be even playing field. Meaning if the guy still wants to pursue other women then he should be open to every woman he’s seeing, to give them the opportunity to do the same if they choose to. Fellas don’t expect what you are not willing to give. I learned to not wear my heart on my sleeve because of the countless double standards I’ve endured in past relationship. We have all been conditioned to think traditionally when it comes to love and relationships. I’m saying there is no right or wrong, its all about being open, honest, and communicating.

People are usually afraid to say what it is they want in a relationship, their afraid of hurting the other person’s feelings or being judged. This is another example of double standards. If a person is trying to spare their girlfriend/ boyfriend feelings then why do the opposite of being truthful? Why lie in the first place if you care so much? I always say “you can’t go wrong when you’re dealing with the truth.” You also gain respect by being honest..this promotes and builds trust within the relationship. You always know where you stand and you’re not left to make assumptions which can cause insecurities within a relationship. Don’t make the mistake of being judgmental ladies and Gents this will make your mate less likely to open up truthfully next time. Generally, women are more successful at the being honest part of a relationship. When she is in love, or into you, it’s all about you, and she has no reason to lie about that.

Usually when guys are confronted about his double standards he never fully addresses your concerns he only deflects. It’s an art to be caught red handed and still have the ability to say “it wasn’t me” like that one song. In other words, he will never confess his real reasons behind misleading you or keeping you around just to not take the relationship to the next level. This is selfish on his part and you just have to keep telling yourself you’re bigger than his confused brain/heart. No matter how much you like or love him do what’s best for you. Don’t allow a guy to play with your heart, time, and energy or lie to manipulate his way through the relationship. Always know where you stand, and once you know where you stand accept it. You can’t make him love you, but you can damn well love yourself 🙂

*I would love to hear you alls opinion on the subject matter.