A n c h o r

He’s an anchor to your happiness, should you have to cut off your own limb to leave him . So be it! The only way to achieve it is to leave it… leave the bullshit leave the lies… guurrl you trippin. He then turned you into a full blown spy

Checking fb and instagram Tryna keep up with him. Jail bond who had it?? You went all out because just for a moment you had no doubt that he was the one, then he turned on you like the moon did the sun.

He’s and anchor to your happiness, because u let him. Amputate your own limb to save your space, your true happiness you shouldn’t have to chase…

After a half ass man that only brings you down ever notice that when he’s around you frown and when he’s gone you smile? He’s an anchor to your happiness guurrl he’s got to go!

I only say this because I know, I was once you..a girl that didn’t know her own worth, that didn’t know when to let go.

Chasing the arms of a man that was just as damaged as me .. he’s an anchor to your happiness, let him go so you can be happy.

Is There an End to The Madness?

3-184There has to be a line drawn between wanting to satisfy an insecurity and having an internal issue of not loving yourself. Sure, we all have things that we are physically unhappy about when it comes to our appearance. That insecurity should not make you hate yourself so much that you are willing to cut and clip until you barely look human. What has caused me to type at 40 wpm about the ongoing topic is a transgender woman, by the name of, Fulvia Pellegrino. This woman was born a boy and is now in the process of transforming himself into a woman. Fulvia has had at least 127 surgeries and is still willing to have more to satisfy his desire to be a woman and feel beautiful.

I’m not so much concerned with the fact that he wants to be a woman as much as I’m worried about whether, Bill Clinton enjoyed that blow job he received, while living in the White House, allegedly! I’m more concerned about the doctors that are performing the surgeries. Being a doctor (plastic surgeon), means handling peoples skin, body tissues, blood, bone structure, and a persons life most importantly, so there should always be a strong since of ethics held in place. Clearly this woman does not example what plastic surgery promotes. Fulvia, has had at least 127 surgeries and still isn’t satisfied with her appearance? That’s, because plastic surgery only mask low self-esteem issues and identity issues.  The doctors doing the surgeries only care about money, when at some point a doctor should be recommending her to another doctor, one that specializes in uplifting a person’s self esteem.

This is just not ok!!! She must be delusional to think she needs another lip filler, or bigger breast. Fulvia stated, ” I won’t stop here, I want to go ahead because it’s not perfect”. “If I reach perfection maybe I will stop.” This is insanity, shame on the plastic surgeons that continue to cut on her. With this type of mindset, its clear that she may never stop. What happens if she dies under the knife? Would one of the many doctors who cut on her be somewhat held responsible? Is there a level of standards and morals held in place, that says when enough is enough? Clearly there isn’t, because we live in a world of vanity and lust. I’m not saying she doesn’t have the right to pursue her want to be happy in her own skin, however that doesn’t mean others have to contribute to her own self destruction.

Whats even sadder is that so many people suffer from low self- esteem and now we have a medication for that, and it’s called Plastic Surgery. Is it a proven fact that plastic surgery helps those with low self-esteem? Or could it be making things worst and or masking the problem or contributing to more self hate? Which brings me to my conclusion, we have to be mindful of what we allow in the society that our children will later endure when were dead and gone. Do we really want them to be conditioned to think plastic surgery is the answer to low self-esteem? I’ts usually the prettiest girls who have low self- esteem. To me that says a lot, you have to love the core of yourself, which does not lay on the surface of who you are.

I’m not judging those that have decided to take the route of plastic surgery, maybe it was a medical reason, or you truly felt it would help you on your journey, without abusing the opportunity to be able to make physical changes to yourself. There is a fine line between wanting to make a change to simply improve who you already are inside, or truly having low self esteem in the core of your being, and thinking plastic surgery will heal your dissatisfaction with yourself. Plastic surgery is being abused, by people with lots of money, Kim Kardasian, Lil Kim, and MaMa June just to name a few. What we allow today will have a bigger impact tomorrow. Anything is possible and all is a free for all, before you know it we will be in a world of hybrid humans, 30% human and 70% robots. Ha Ha

Confessions

I don’t know how to handle my deepest emotions. I cant stand that I see through peoples bullshit, but I have a heart that allows it. I hate that I love harder than most and that I will bend over backward for the people I love. I show love to strangers, friends, family, and even those that have hurt me. I don’t understand why I am who I am.

This is  why the journey to self discovery is so deep and real to me. Every time I start to love someone they show me in the most subtle ways that they will not last in my world. They don’t deserve to have me, but its too late I have already given myself, because I want to be loved, I want someone to believe in my dreams as I do theirs.

I’m tired of being used for my good energy, my good vibes, my positive reinforcement, my ability to not judge others for their flaws or mistakes, my understanding of ones issues, my natural caring and nurturing side, my want to help and make sure everyone and everything is alright…

Who’s there for me in the end who makes sure I’m ok?

Baby: For the Future

via Daily Prompt: Baby

Did you know that life is not fair, and although you didn’t ask be here, life is apart of your destiny. I only hope that you will find heart break and true love, that you will see the sun rise and hear the ocean roar. I prey to the universe for your health and longevity, that will one day cause tears to well, just enough for you to appreciate all the little things in life. Some people simply move too fast to see, some people don’t want to see. Find yourself in all that is tangible and real. Find peace, find happiness and live without fear. You will never die, when its all said and done you will leave your mark, only to ascend back to be born again.

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Freedom Is In The World Around You

Freedom is not just something we obtain in a physical form, but also in how we think. Its about how one perceives the circumstances their faced with in life. For example one may spend everyday behind bars and still feel free, maybe even more than a person who is on the outside world. A person can have all the riches and still not be free, yet they feel like a slave to there own existence. Freedom is a state of mind and with knowing this were able to live more fulfilling lives. We are then able to express our true power.

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The root word to freedom is “FREE”! Nothing is free in this world and it seems there is a price you must pay. Most are laboring day in and day out, slaves to their bills of providing basic necessities like, housing, food, and clothes. In life we are not meant to be content and confined to our circumstances. Living free of burden and worry is how it really should be. Why do so many believe that this freedom that I’m describing is for us after death. Freedom can be obtained now in life. Free your dome of the disbelief that real love peace and happiness cannot be obtained until after you die. To believe this you will never see the need to truly free your dome (mind). Rid yourself of the negative burdens of false teachings. Open up your mind to allow the process of free-dome to begin.

F.L.Y

You cannot have me, you had your fun and now I’m done, you do not deserve me.

You didn’t earn me, you never took the time to learn me, you do not deserve me.

I’m stronger now, stronger than you will ever be, I love even harder now, not for them, not for you, but for me.

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Change is Inevitable

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True Love takes Sacrifice: 

Only the tides from the strongest of storms can compare to how I have learned to over come some of life hardest struggles. Being born without a father, losing my mother at 16, breaking up with my fiance and father of my son after four years, and overcoming all the little battles in between. January 21 of 2017, made one year that I’ve been single and I’m loving it to some degree. It wasn’t my intention to leave my ex, I wanted to build a life with him and our blended family, but you can not force others to take the proper actions in the right direction. No matter how much you think you love them you must know when the time comes to change the circumstances in which your faced with. Understanding that every decision you make will create a course of events to follow ones decision. I knew no matter how much it hurts to leave the person you love, I had to, for my children, for me, and maybe even for him to see that real love takes sacrifice.

Exchange of Power:

2016 Dating scene was one of the worst! I didn’t jump right back out there I took at least 4-6 months to focus on me and the events that were suddenly changing the course of my life. I imagined myself stuck in a unhappy union with a man that didn’t love his-self, so how could I honestly expect him to love me? He tried, I think he had the best intentions, however when you know your worth you will not settle for emotional and physical abuse, or lack of trust and high levels of manipulation. I could no longer see things in a positive light, to continue to force it would have only done us both more harm than good. I used to be in love, but only the idea of what I thought we could have. I realized being truly in love is a feeling shared between both people a balance and exchange of power.

Hurt but Never Broken:

I lost my stability, trying to love a man, me and my kids were living with family for at least three months before I could find a new place. I traveled to 3 cities surrounding the metro area of Minneapolis everyday for 3 months. From St Paul to Minneapolis to drop the kids to daycare then from Minneapolis to Plymouth,to work, and then back again. Talk about crunch time, stress so high that I started to get terrible Migraines frequently, the only good thing I had going was my job and the income from work to help me through the hurt, betrayal, abandonment, and being able to provide for my children. I went into the relationship heart wide open only to leave with my heart cracked, chipped even, but not broken. I will never allow a man to break me.

Hard Work Pays Off:

Fast forward to me and my babies finally getting into our place. Not much, a simple two bedroom apartment, but its ours and I’m proud of it plus the location is awesome! I didn’t have to change my daughter’s school, the daycare is just a mile or so down the road, grocery store next door, car wash, gas station, car shops, dollar store, restaurants, LA fitness down the street, I think you guys get the point, its all about location, location, location! Most days its sending my baby girl off to her second grade class, dropping my son off at daycare, and off to work and back again. Life as a single mom with little to no financial support from dad, can be super time consuming, stressful, and at most lonely even scary at times. All alone in my battles to care for them, keep them fed, happy and healthy, its the hardest job in the world. Would I trade it? Never!

Bamboozled:

At the end of November I found myself walking into a bar on a week day. I had no business there, but she swore by their chicken wings and I was hungry. I had the best seat in the house as I watched this tall dark handsome fella with glasses cook up the Cajun dry rubbed wings I ordered. Its not like me to go after a guy and technically I didn’t. My girlfriend Jenny got her crazy ass up and told him that, “I wanted him to come over my house and cook them wings for me personally”, and “they were the best I’d ever had”, and that part was true. The Wing man and I hit it off so great in just for 4 weeks I was in a tranquility of love and passion. Erupt!! That was all ruined 2 days after Christmas When his girlfriend texted my phone asking how many times I was fucked by him?  We mainly talked and laughed together for 4 weeks it wasn’t about sex but enjoying the feeling from being in one another presence. We only were intimate once and I regret it everyday. I was completely blind sided lied to and played. I literally brought my new year in with a shattered heart… 2016 tried to break me!

Fear Cannot Walk with Change:

One month into the new year, and I’m  owning my position in life. Proclaiming to the universe my presence and impact on the world. I have a gut feeling that only helps to confirm that there is something great in the world, waiting for me. I want to help people, change lives, share my story to give people my honest interpretation and experiences in life. I hope that as I share my story and experiences I don’t only want to attract like minds but gain new relationships and connections that can help the course of all of our lives. Words hold wait connecting with others and growing is important when it comes to growth and gaining the real meaning of life. I’m fearless even with my flaws I’m not afraid to fail, feel pain, be alone, fight for what I want, be the odd ball, I’m not afraid to love and be loved.

The Flash 

I met someone and the story is just beginning for us..more to come as I continue to share my course through life…

 

 

 

J.S

How could you just quit me like that? Like damn you said you wasn’t “that guy.”The opposite of the type that says hes single and text you every morning after every night. The guy that finds the time for you through his unpredictable work schedule. The guy that kisses you so passionately and sweet that it makes your foot pop. That passion that makes a minute feel like an hour.

Could I be the only one feeling some type of way. Us woman want to master the art of intimacy but lack the emotional control once we’ve experienced that emotion. I’m trying to make sense of why my heart feels crushed. Like damn was it something I did wrong? Ladies stop blaming yourself when the guy switches up on you. Maybe its not you its him, maybe your just too great and he not self loving to see that he deserves you just as much as you deserve him. I thought you said you liked me, you said you didn’t want to be that guy.

The third time we hung out shame on us for moving forward, I see the uniqueness in your eyes and I made a mistake thinking you were different. What are you afraid of? Can you not see greatness when its reaching for you. Do you not want happiness?

I get it now your already happy, with her, with your family, and i know your daughter is a big part of why you stay. The truth is I was just a fling to you, just a course of events that transpired to help you pass the time. I’m more than that you know, I am unique in every way possible. There is beauty residing in every flaw that I have.  I don’t want to wreck you the way you wrecked me, as if u actually have the power to do so. Your happy already with her and I’m just the fool that didn’t pay attention to the signs. I’m the fool to see past your lies into the core of you heart, mind, and deepest desires. Does loving someone equal your happiness or your success in life? Be mindful that good things don’t just fall in your lap everyday so if you do have something good try cherishing it. Work on your relationship and most importantly yourself. The next woman you manboozle may not be so nice.

With everyday that passes I’m learning to accept the past events and see them as a learning lesson. Not only have I learned that most men are liars and cheaters no matter the charm and no matter the so called intention, your actions will always define who you are. I’m stronger now and have rolled up my heart from my sleeves learning to cherish the love I have to give. I’m holding my heart so dear to me because its to valuable to be broken.