A n c h o r

He’s an anchor to your happiness, should you have to cut off your own limb to leave him . So be it! The only way to achieve it is to leave it… leave the bullshit leave the lies… guurrl you trippin. He then turned you into a full blown spy

Checking fb and instagram Tryna keep up with him. Jail bond who had it?? You went all out because just for a moment you had no doubt that he was the one, then he turned on you like the moon did the sun.

He’s and anchor to your happiness, because u let him. Amputate your own limb to save your space, your true happiness you shouldn’t have to chase…

After a half ass man that only brings you down ever notice that when he’s around you frown and when he’s gone you smile? He’s an anchor to your happiness guurrl he’s got to go!

I only say this because I know, I was once you..a girl that didn’t know her own worth, that didn’t know when to let go.

Chasing the arms of a man that was just as damaged as me .. he’s an anchor to your happiness, let him go so you can be happy.

Love Yourself

You belittle how I feel because you’re not big enough to man up. I’m tired of being on an emotional rollercoaster, that crashes into a dumb. The shit from the dumb slams on to a window looking gross, lopsided and disproportioned, I’m there to clean it up.You want all the glory and want me to do all the work, while you refuse to be the antidote to the poisonous pain you’ve caused me and countless other souls that were captured by the light on the outside. What hurts most is that you never forced me to love you, it was worse you manipulated and made me feel like I was supposed to. I was wrong in what I thought was special…I thought only love could bring it out of you. I see that you’re too sick to want to get well, you’ve given up! Now, I’m left only to love myself.

The cycle continues…

I’m trapped in a cycle of love, looking for answers deep beneath the surface that lures him to love me

I’m trapped in a cycle of love that feels only isolated, cold, reluctantly bold

I’m trapped in a cycle of love, because it hurts to be brave and open up

I’m trapped in a cycle of love, my generation scorned by matching Jordan’s and love means can you afford it?

I’m trapped in a cycle of love, that feels more like loveless and the only way to get attention is by showing your naked ass

I’m trapped in a cycle of love, when sliding in my dm is how u make a pass and going on a real date is a thing of the past

I’m trapped in a cycle of love, when what’s trending matters more than a conversation with true meaning

I’m trapped, I’m trapped, I’m trapped in a cycle of love, that desperately needs changing!

Death is A Part of Life: How to Grieve?

Is there anyone out there who parents passed? A mother specifically? If so please share how you deal with your Grief? I lost my mother at age 16 (13 yrs ago) and it feels like it just happened yesterday. There’s  never a day that passes my mother doesn’t cross my mind. I see her in everything I do. Sometimes my laugh sounds just like hers did and sometimes I hear a song that reminds me of her. I see numbers that relate to significant events that have happened or dates that hold significant meaning; like her date of birth or the day she passed.  Even a smell can bring me back to my childhood of the times I shared with her. I despise thinking that my life is all some big coincidence, I would rather believe that everything that I see, hear, and feel is relevant to my existence and gives purpose to my being. I would like to think that my mother is really always with me, and maybe, just maybe, the signs I see give light to just that.

Death is a part of life. It’s the timing that sucks and not knowing how we will leave that causes fear of death. No time is a good time to go to leave all that you know and love. It’s not easy accepting that I will never see her, hug her, or talk to her again. I guess I’m just angry sometimes because it’s so damn hard to miss someone every day of your life. It’s so damn hard finding ways to simply live without her. It’s even harder when I’m troubled and I need her guidance. I notice times when I’m sad or in a dark space I see my mother’s date of birth and the day she passed. I take that as a sign that no matter what,  she’s always with me. Thinking this way helps me cope with my loss.

Why me? What am I supposed to learn from this? Going along in life without her guidance, guessing my way through my trails and bumping my head so many times I’m surprised I don’t have a permanent knot on my head. One of the things she warned me of before her passing is to not let people take my kindness for weakness. I find it odd that those words uttered from her mouth over 13 years ago. I was a young girl no older than ten. Somehow she knew what my biggest problem would be in life, and that is loving too much. Spreading myself so thin my middle name should be crepe. *that was corny lol* She knew that most would take advantage of my kind and helping heart rather than reciprocate. She knew that most of my pain in life would come from me loving others. I think after all these years I can finally take heed to her words of wisdom, the conclusion to that is to Love me first.

 

*you will be forever missed*

Magic Carpet

My happiness was once a magic carpet, it took me for a ride everyday, I was alone, and that was ok, then I met you and you swept my magic carpet away. You could have took me with you, when it was just us two it was magical and you road my carpet until it became dingy and worn on all sides. We went everywhere together, but you were just along for the ride, you never meant to stay and now my magic carpet runs dry.

Missing You

Missing someone feels like your reaching for something you wanted all your life but your arms are just too short to grasp it, or your heart is too pure for any one person to endure. Maybe missing you is the only thing that gives me life to push forward, only to fall infinitely down a dark spiraling hole. Missing you, is like losing a pinkie toe from a falling piano, severing it instantly *there is no ice nearby to save the toe* Missing you is like being in a two person canoe, without the paddles and without you… Missing you is like being invisible in a stadium full of people. It’s like believing you are beautiful, yet treated as if your a disgusting piece of rotten fruit *something you 3pt jump shot into the nearest garbage pail*  Missing you, feels like I’m being chased by Jeffrey Dahmers ghost *except he eats souls and not people* Missing you, is like having the worst hangover of your life and having to force yourself to vomit just to get relief from the burning sensation that sits at the pit of your stomach.  Missing you, hurts so bad it feels like the first time you ever got your heart broken, and you can feel it in every fiber of your alive yet lifeless body. I miss you so much that I’m starting to hate words like Ms, Miss, Missing, and You.


*Will time heal this annoying feeling of missing someone you hate?

Lost In A Broken Heart

I’m in nothing but pain, I can feel it in my veins, it hurts so bad that I’m ashamed, I fell for a lame, a liar, a straight womanizer, I want to set his paints on fire, for leaving a burning hole in my heart.

When will I ever learn, that just because it glitters doesn’t make it gold, Now I’m cold, I miss me so much, I’m out of touch with who I once loved, Myself!

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Reflection: Shadow

It lingers in the darkness of something that was once tangible. Darkness like Batman’s cave, running fast like a runaway slave, out of fear, that no one will be there, to save you from whats near. I’ts scary being trapped in your own non existence, beware no one will miss it, remember I sat on the opposing side of all your lies. Its dark inside the truth, and the only one that has to face it, is you!


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