30 Days of Gratefulness

Grateful for both good and bad…no not really just the good. lol

How to Defeat a Narcissist

gratefulness2Lately, I’d rather sit in front of a computer screen glued to a newsfeed and stay bottled up inside the confines of my head.

I have writer’s block, social block and every other block you can construct within your imagination. The dark side seems more attractive to me and optimism is trickling out of me like a slow leak from a car.

I’m losing my angst, my push, that little voice that kept telling me to get up is now a faint echo in the background of my complacency. I am learning the truth about my existence and I am exhausted by my awakening.

Nothing is clear or defined, everything is muttered, foggy and uncertain. I suspect this is the perfect moment to rise, redeem and resurrect.

My only viable lifeline left is to recognize what good I still have left. Today, I am starting my journey into gratitude, that…

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I literally gasped at the Beauty of these photos!

Visual Storyteller James Walsh @ Sinamatella Productions is the Edge of Humanity Magazine contributor of these images. To see James’ body of work click on any image. See also: Iza uHambe Nam // Come Walk With Me Film by Sinamatella Productions Back […]

via Artist Exposé – Travel Photography — Edge of Humanity Magazine

In that Order…

The thing about me is I come in peace. I will give you the benefit of the doubt and I will open the opportunity for you to hurt me. why?  I choose to trust, and anytime you trust you risk being hurt and or let down. I cannot control what people do, but I will control myself. I’m not a liar nor hypocrite that has to put on a facade about who I am. I have no problem letting you know what I like and don’t like, so when a problem occurs or when a person starts to push negative energy my way I automatically put up my guard. I’m all good when I’m doing what you want me to do when I’m making shit easier in their life. It’s obvious that people only have there own best interest at heart and they don’t care about who they trample over or use to get there. Then these same type of people will pull the victim card as if the world owes them something. They think because your’re mom sister or girlfriend your obligated to take on their bull shit. NO!!! Not when my deepest and darkest battles to this day I fight alone. I will not pacify someone else struggles while I have to lace up my boot straps and fight through shit and break threw boulders that’s thrown my way. I offer support advise and literally at times, put myself and a jeopardizing situation for people and still am not appreciated. I’m a hopeless romantic that just wants to be loved.  I don’t see why its so hard when I’m coming in peace and genuine. True love isn’t hard, because it should come naturally. Anything that comes natural is easy, fun, and simply enjoy doing it. I will fight for as long as I can. but I’m also a stronger person than I was before, and I’m brave enough to accept people for who they are. I can accept you, but I will not tolerate and or deal with you in my world. I have made it this far and my biggest downfall has been my desire to love a MAN.

I want to desire to love myself more. As soon as I’m shown you don’t care I will guard my heart and my life. I’m dealing with so much internally and I’m ready to break through, I’m not letting people and there personal issues effect my life anymore. Beat it if your not hear to bring peace love and happiness into my life on a consistent bases than you serve no purpose and I don’t want you.

Anyways I’m at work and they don’t pay me to write in my personal blog…so until next time. Stay real and stay strong 🙂

Today

Today people are so focused on being rich and wealthy in terms of money and material gain. If at least half of that same energy was put into becoming richer and wealthier inside, I know the world would be a better place.

Life

There is no one way to find happiness in life. I guess that’s what makes the journey worth wild, worth living, and appreciating the beauty within the pain that life has to offer. We come in many  different shapes, forms, walks of life and ways of thinking, yet we  are always looking for ways to connect. Whether we want to admit it or not we are all connected ( Web).  I want to learn all I can from different walks of life, to find the priceless appreciation that the world too easily, take for granted. Traveling is something that I will do to help me make those connections.

As you get to know me as a writer you will see the many obstacles I’ve been faced with and still able to find balance. I’m human and so I’m allowed to make mistakes, that’s the way I’m learning how to cope with the ups and downs that come with the territory of being in this physical realm of reality.

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Change is Inevitable

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True Love takes Sacrifice: 

Only the tides from the strongest of storms can compare to how I have learned to over come some of life hardest struggles. Being born without a father, losing my mother at 16, breaking up with my fiance and father of my son after four years, and overcoming all the little battles in between. January 21 of 2017, made one year that I’ve been single and I’m loving it to some degree. It wasn’t my intention to leave my ex, I wanted to build a life with him and our blended family, but you can not force others to take the proper actions in the right direction. No matter how much you think you love them you must know when the time comes to change the circumstances in which your faced with. Understanding that every decision you make will create a course of events to follow ones decision. I knew no matter how much it hurts to leave the person you love, I had to, for my children, for me, and maybe even for him to see that real love takes sacrifice.

Exchange of Power:

2016 Dating scene was one of the worst! I didn’t jump right back out there I took at least 4-6 months to focus on me and the events that were suddenly changing the course of my life. I imagined myself stuck in a unhappy union with a man that didn’t love his-self, so how could I honestly expect him to love me? He tried, I think he had the best intentions, however when you know your worth you will not settle for emotional and physical abuse, or lack of trust and high levels of manipulation. I could no longer see things in a positive light, to continue to force it would have only done us both more harm than good. I used to be in love, but only the idea of what I thought we could have. I realized being truly in love is a feeling shared between both people a balance and exchange of power.

Hurt but Never Broken:

I lost my stability, trying to love a man, me and my kids were living with family for at least three months before I could find a new place. I traveled to 3 cities surrounding the metro area of Minneapolis everyday for 3 months. From St Paul to Minneapolis to drop the kids to daycare then from Minneapolis to Plymouth,to work, and then back again. Talk about crunch time, stress so high that I started to get terrible Migraines frequently, the only good thing I had going was my job and the income from work to help me through the hurt, betrayal, abandonment, and being able to provide for my children. I went into the relationship heart wide open only to leave with my heart cracked, chipped even, but not broken. I will never allow a man to break me.

Hard Work Pays Off:

Fast forward to me and my babies finally getting into our place. Not much, a simple two bedroom apartment, but its ours and I’m proud of it plus the location is awesome! I didn’t have to change my daughter’s school, the daycare is just a mile or so down the road, grocery store next door, car wash, gas station, car shops, dollar store, restaurants, LA fitness down the street, I think you guys get the point, its all about location, location, location! Most days its sending my baby girl off to her second grade class, dropping my son off at daycare, and off to work and back again. Life as a single mom with little to no financial support from dad, can be super time consuming, stressful, and at most lonely even scary at times. All alone in my battles to care for them, keep them fed, happy and healthy, its the hardest job in the world. Would I trade it? Never!

Bamboozled:

At the end of November I found myself walking into a bar on a week day. I had no business there, but she swore by their chicken wings and I was hungry. I had the best seat in the house as I watched this tall dark handsome fella with glasses cook up the Cajun dry rubbed wings I ordered. Its not like me to go after a guy and technically I didn’t. My girlfriend Jenny got her crazy ass up and told him that, “I wanted him to come over my house and cook them wings for me personally”, and “they were the best I’d ever had”, and that part was true. The Wing man and I hit it off so great in just for 4 weeks I was in a tranquility of love and passion. Erupt!! That was all ruined 2 days after Christmas When his girlfriend texted my phone asking how many times I was fucked by him?  We mainly talked and laughed together for 4 weeks it wasn’t about sex but enjoying the feeling from being in one another presence. We only were intimate once and I regret it everyday. I was completely blind sided lied to and played. I literally brought my new year in with a shattered heart… 2016 tried to break me!

Fear Cannot Walk with Change:

One month into the new year, and I’m  owning my position in life. Proclaiming to the universe my presence and impact on the world. I have a gut feeling that only helps to confirm that there is something great in the world, waiting for me. I want to help people, change lives, share my story to give people my honest interpretation and experiences in life. I hope that as I share my story and experiences I don’t only want to attract like minds but gain new relationships and connections that can help the course of all of our lives. Words hold wait connecting with others and growing is important when it comes to growth and gaining the real meaning of life. I’m fearless even with my flaws I’m not afraid to fail, feel pain, be alone, fight for what I want, be the odd ball, I’m not afraid to love and be loved.

The Flash 

I met someone and the story is just beginning for us..more to come as I continue to share my course through life…

 

 

 

Moments that last a life time!

via Daily Prompt: Simple

To hold your hand as the hot sun warms our backs, walking along the terrain on a slightly windy day, seeing birds form a V in the sky, hearing the waves crash against the shore, the smell of barbecue in the distance, the sincerity in each of our eyes as we gaze upon one another, remembering how we got here- remembering why we move forward in life together. Its simple Its love. i-heart-water