Gun Smoke

It’s a new year but I’m hunted by the past.

Its 2018 but I can’t help thinking about how long the thoughts of you will last…

Get out of my head!!!

I meant it, I mean it… to me your dead.

I’m cold now and Your just lucky…

I hate you!! That’s what I said

If it was anybody else, your body would be filled with lead.

Gun smoke!

Decisions Decisions

The way my life is set up right now I barely have time to write, however, there’s always time to think. I spend a lot of time thinking about my current circumstances and how my actions have and will continue to pave my future. My step dad used to talk about “decisions decisions decisions,” because the decisions we make directly affect our futures. The sad part, not only do these decisions affect us as individuals but it will certainly affect those that are close to us.

I say this because recently I’ve been faced with having to make some real hard decisions. Things that involve family values, finances, relationships, children, and the hardest of all sacrifice. I’m a year from thirty and I feel like the first time in a very long time I know what I don’t want. I’m still working on what I do want but I know I want love peace and most of all happiness. Not only for myself but my children and those that are close to me. Sometimes those that are close to you can affect your life not always in the most positive ways and I can’t allow others circumstances affect me and my children. This has helped enlighten the fact that it’s not all about me but has everything to do with me.

mommy and zz

This is where the sacrifice must be made. I either let go of what was and focus on what is to come or rid myself of the uncertain and build on what I know to be solid. I like taking the risk because the curiousness that lies within me brings forth excitement. This excitement can lead to me learning new and exciting things and helping me truly come to terms with what I really want out of my life,  rephrase I know what I want I just don’t know exactly how to get there. I’m the queen of going with the flow.

This may not be whats best for my children, the need to be solid and routine is always important. I must put my want to explore and take chances on hold while I build A solid foundation for them. This brings me back to the people in our lives and how it affects how we approach life. Have you ever been on the right course and then you let an old friend back into your life or meet someone new and everything starts to change for the worst? Maybe their reality is projecting on yours. This example can happen in the opposite effect as well. People should compliment your life not disrupt it. We should be mindful of the people around us and how their feeling and thoughts, directly and indirectly, affect us.

I have a heart of gold *my opinion lol*  It’s hard to digest that not everyone values that. They certainly want to benefit from your good qualities but don’t want to possess those same qualities themselves. I feel as if I’m reaching a new point of understanding and I don’t have time to teach capable and able adults instead I have to be better for my babies, the universe knows my heart, and I ask God to help me and continue me on the right path to true success and happiness.

“I can show you but I cant make you see, in order to see you have to be willing to open your eyes.”

It’s Been A While

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. I don’t know I guess I’m just living right now. I’m always writing or thinking of cool things to write about, and then time gets stolen by kids, work, relationship, friends, outside events, and just life and general. I will always come back to reflect on my life and my blog is just the place to do it. I hope you all are enjoying this summer and blogging about the cool experiences you’ve endured thus far.

If you’re enjoying your summer exploring the planet, or just sipping on a glass of lemonade in the backyard I would love to see a pic or a link to a blog to get to know you all bit more.

Until next time… 🙂

Minnesota Nice!

I live in that one city where the 35W bridge literally collapsed! *My condolences*

I have no idea why I’m still in Minneapolis MN, it’s mostly parks, lakes, really happy people, outside of your fake ass Minnesota Nice folks, and apparently really crappy bridges! I remember when I moved here the middle of my sophomore year in high school I was happy to relocate back to the Midwest from Northern Cali, Sacremento to be exact.

Shit was so different in Cali, the way they talked, the way they dressed, the music for damn sure, and lots of burning rubber. Clearly, the adults there never got over their Ring Around the Rosey phase because Going Stupid and Going Dumb is inevitable, you can blame E-40 for that. lol

Anyhow, Cali was cool and all but Midwest is where my heart is! Born in Gary, Indiana raised in Detroit, MI I guess you could say I’m a real thoroughbred or mutt depending on how you look at it. Just know that I am extremely down to earth. I’ve lived in several states throughout my life which has molded me into the very versatile person I am today.

Now back to why the Hell I live in Minneapolis: First of all, the thing I hate the most is the terrible drivers. I mean gosh G Wally we have some of the worst weather conditions, driving in black ice with countless inches of snow, having to drive slow, so in that case, I understand. You would think if we can survive all of that during winter months the spring fall and summer would be a breeze, WRONG when the snow melts it’s like these MF’s don’t know what GO means.

I’m at least 5 minutes late for work almost every day only because people want to take a Sunday Cruz during rush hour on Monday Morning. I have never seen so many white headed men and women drive in my life. I mean grandma is clearly over 70 why the hell is her license being renewed? It grinds my gears so bad, and all I can do is sit in my car powerless and annoyed until I make it to my destination.

The people here are selfish! Do you know how many times I’ve signaled to get over and the other driver refuses to let me in? So I get behind him only for his ass to go slow like wtf would it have mattered if I got in front of you, I’m trying to go faster than you, idiot!

This is the art of passive and the epidemy of aggressive. Like why are you, a stranger trying to stop another stranger from getting somewhere in life? Like asshole, I could be rushing to the hospital because my kid is dying and all you’re worried about is me cutting you off. Petty!

Moving on to my second reason for hating this damn city! Okay, so Minnesota is known for the slogan Minnesota Nice. Bullshit you people are the rudest but just fake about it. They’re straight up Passive aggressive, as a matter of fact, I think MN Natives might be responsible for the term Passive Aggressive.

Where I’m from if somebody doesn’t like you they simply won’t talk to you or they will tell you to your face they don’t fuck with you.

Here you will be talking to the same person at the bus stop every morning thinking you two are acquainted only for them to see you at a different bus stop and that person won’t even speak. Or they will speak and as soon as you turn your back there talking about how much they don’t like you. Then why were you just being nice? I’m confused!

One time I was sitting on my friend front step and this guy walked past. As he walks past I said “hi, how you doin” He said nothing, not even a halved ass grin. The irony in him wearing a Minnesota Nice shirt humored me. I will never forget that small encounter with what I assume to be a Minnesota native.

Let’s not mention the huge rent increases across the city every year. Until I purchase my first home I’m literally screwed by paying more for the same exact apartment or moving every year to somewhen cheaper and further away from the city. There are condos every damn where 500 sqft for $1200.00 a month, well you can just slap me on the fanny and call me Sally because I would never! will be damned if that super bowl coming next year ain’t the reason why they’ve ripped up half the got damn city.So much for fun activities this summer, we spend most of our time traffic. Don’t get me started on the traffic/ driving issue again.

I just don’t see how the cost of living goes up every year but my wages do not..I guess that’s a global issue rather than local, but still, most can relate to how frustrating that can be.

It’s not all bad:

As the saying goes it’s not about where you’re from but where you’re at, and it’s not all bad. I can pull over virtually anywhere and find a body of water, being as though were also know as the land of 10,000 lakes. Actually, it’s 11,842 says Google.

I get the share the same Zodiac sign( Gemini) with the late and famous Prince (June 7, 1958- April 21, 2016). His death crowned Minnesota as the Home of the Purple Rain!!!! 

Oh did I mention there are just as many parks as there are lakes in this boring ass town lol

Are you a sucker for Casserole? Well, Minnesota is famous for making string bean casserole tater tot casserole, pretty much anything that you can call  Casa-Role lol.

I can’t talk too much shit about where I live after all my two beautiful children are Minnesota born. lol Anyways I hope you all enjoyed 🙂