You played with my love
You played with my heart
I hope that when you die you feel excruciating pain, and your nostrils fill with sticky farts.
You played with my love
You played with my heart
I hope that when you find the one you truly love, she ripped your heart apart.
I will create the most common scenario and I’m sure a vast amount of women can attest to this at some point during their relationship. Guy meets a girl, he promises to be different than all the rest, to be faithful, honest, and most importantly he promises not to hurt her. In most cases sad to say guys start to show their inability to commit at or around the three-month span of a dating/relationship situation. Why do guys have to lead women on? Why do guys think it’s fair to play the field but then aspect their mate to be 100% committed to them? I mean guys are usually pretty tough critics of their girlfriends in aspects of having friends of the opposite sex, being flirtatious, social media, being friends with exes, and the list goes on. On the contrary, he will find every reason to excuse his actions when it comes to the same type of situations.
This is my problem and why I may fail at most relationships. I have a king awareness and detect flawed quickly. I am also a reasonable person who likes to give a guy the benefit of the doubt, at the risk of being hurt. I mean taking a risk is what you have to do when you’re trying to obtain true love. Right? However, it’s a game ladies whether we like it or not. What I’ve come to realize is in order to get what you want you must play the Game, but for how long? Initially yes, you wait for him to call first, you see if he’s willing to pay for the first date, you see if he’s going to try to have sex on the first date? So we, in fact, play the game, however, once a certain amount of times passes these games should start to fade and you both should be at a healthy space to be more open and always honest about what you both want. RED ALERT READ ALER!! This is where most guys fail! Guys don’t know when to transition from the playing phase to a commitment. He can like her a lot, heck he may even love her, but to actually commit to her in a relationship is a challenge.
I dated a guy for 6-7 months and he never could commit. He continued to be indecisive about whether he really wanted me or not, but in the midst of that he expected me to cut all ties with other guys, he expected me to put my heart on a silver platter for him meanwhile he kept his heart guarded and kept his options open. In any dating situation, there should be even playing field. Meaning if the guy still wants to pursue other women then he should be open to every woman he’s seeing, to give them the opportunity to do the same if they choose to. Fellas don’t expect what you are not willing to give. I learned to not wear my heart on my sleeve because of the countless double standards I’ve endured in past relationship. We have all been conditioned to think traditionally when it comes to love and relationships. I’m saying there is no right or wrong, its all about being open, honest, and communicating.
People are usually afraid to say what it is they want in a relationship, their afraid of hurting the other person’s feelings or being judged. This is another example of double standards. If a person is trying to spare their girlfriend/ boyfriend feelings then why do the opposite of being truthful? Why lie in the first place if you care so much? I always say “you can’t go wrong when you’re dealing with the truth.” You also gain respect by being honest..this promotes and builds trust within the relationship. You always know where you stand and you’re not left to make assumptions which can cause insecurities within a relationship. Don’t make the mistake of being judgmental ladies and Gents this will make your mate less likely to open up truthfully next time. Generally, women are more successful at the being honest part of a relationship. When she is in love, or into you, it’s all about you, and she has no reason to lie about that.
Usually when guys are confronted about his double standards he never fully addresses your concerns he only deflects. It’s an art to be caught red handed and still have the ability to say “it wasn’t me” like that one song. In other words, he will never confess his real reasons behind misleading you or keeping you around just to not take the relationship to the next level. This is selfish on his part and you just have to keep telling yourself you’re bigger than his confused brain/heart. No matter how much you like or love him do what’s best for you. Don’t allow a guy to play with your heart, time, and energy or lie to manipulate his way through the relationship. Always know where you stand, and once you know where you stand accept it. You can’t make him love you, but you can damn well love yourself 🙂
*I would love to hear you alls opinion on the subject matter.
Here we go again..*inmyDMXvoice! I am not at all surprised at the verdict of the late Philando Castile. *My deepest condolences to his family* Doesn’t this remind you of PicNics (Pick-a-Nigga)..you know where whites would pick a nigga and hang him for no good reason( just for fun)! lynchings were like a circus show to Caucasians, but Blacks are the crazy barbaric ones? People, these public killings of Black Men and Women serves as a reminder that African Americans are not valued and never will be valued in America! This is coming from a woman who is lost in a foreign land. My history was burned and stolen so that I can be confused at this very moment in time about who I am and where I truly come from. I feel angry! I feel like we have to do something and fuck that marching shit because it hasn’t done a thing, but destroy the neighborhoods we live in and give the media ratings. If marching is supposed to awaken those that are sleep, I would have to say that it’s no surprise at African Americans predicament in this country. In a variety of areas such as health care, demographics, the water we drink, and even the matter of life and death.
I’m so sick of everybody turning a blind eye to the injustice of Blacks in this country. Better yet our government doesn’t turn a blind eye, they simply say fuck us, with the outcome of every single unlawful death committed by police officers. This is not a coincidence folks. This is plain out racist privileged bullshit happening right before our eyes ..If live footage that millions have seen doesn’t help a man get justice for being wrongfully killed by a police officer Sanchez Asshole, what the fuck will? Sanchez gets to go home to his family while millions of African Americans sit back on their sofa’s and digest how much our lives aren’t valued and that in any given moment your life can be taken. That’s a hard pill to swallow yet we do it every day. No matter how much we follow the law it is not equal, so we are at risk every day we walk out of our homes. I have a son who is going to be a full grown man, he is at risk of being murdered by police, just because he’s black! A lot of the minorities benefit from what my ancestors endured yet we walk alone in our struggle? We’re looked down upon in this foreign land. We were robbed beaten rapped for 100’s of years and it’s still happening right before our eyes. The public killings we’ve seen on camera over the past year alone is what I call Modern Day Lynchings. A way for white power struck government to show off their power! *In a land they stole from the indigenous people that were already here*
To add, the fact that all social media and news reporting networks are constantly playing the footage over and over again is baffling to me. No matter how graphic, no matter the time of day they just continue to display the footage. Why do they continue to play the video over and over and over again? I will tell you a few reasons why…1st of all its clear that people of power within our government would like to remind us that the law is not on our side nor equal to that of a white people or police officers, especially if the same crime had been committed except in reverse. For example, if a black police officer let off seven shots on a white male with a child and the man’s girlfriend in the car, I believe the jury would have found some why to convict that black officer. The reason you never hear of this scenario occurring is, that black police officers are aware of the injustice within the organization they represent, that the justice system is not at all on his black ass side (meaning not equal to that of white privileged people/ police officers). A black police officer would not be acquitted for killing white Tom *plane and simple*. 2nd It’s also to remind African Americans that they are not valued and that their life most importantly means nothing in the court of law. *what about common/ natural law* We all know the shooting was not justified. Officer Sanchez should have spent more time resolving the traffic light issue and asking for Philando’s gun, instead of being afraid of him just because he’s black, then panicking. Is the police force training rookie officers to be more aggressive with blacks than with whites? If so that is discriminative in itself. Lastly and most importantly the police, the government, and the media want to condition us to be comfortable and ok with events like this becoming the norm. *this is far from normal*
I have an 8-year-old daughter who is aware of all that is going, just from her peers alone. *I also explain to her the best way I know how why this is happening* How does society think this is affecting our children? Common displays of repeated offenses of this kind will only desensitize our future generation. They want to continue to plant fear in us and our children. Shame on Fox news and all the other asshole reporting agencies and networks for mocking Philando’s death by continuing to display the footage. I think that angers me more than anything because my child shouldn’t be exposed to viewing such violent crimes being done to a man that looks similar to her father. *All over a broken tail light* Oh, he had a gun, and he had every right to carry that gun being a law abiding citizen fo the United States, and Philando disclosed that information to the police officer Sanchez. Philando, his girlfriend, and her daughter were on their way to do something as a family, they didn’t go looking for Sanchez to open fire on him. Meaning Philando had no intent to use his gun against the officer. Him being licensed in the first place displays his obedience to follow the law, and he loses his life for it? A whole nation of people in shock yet again!
*You might have won the battle, but we will Win the WAR: Against police brutality*
*Stop Modern day Lynchings*
An example of White Privilege: https://youtu.be/W_FkzbTf-KM *copy and paste this link*
There has to be a line drawn between wanting to satisfy an insecurity and having an internal issue of not loving yourself. Sure, we all have things that we are physically unhappy about when it comes to our appearance. That insecurity should not make you hate yourself so much that you are willing to cut and clip until you barely look human. What has caused me to type at 40 wpm about the ongoing topic is a transgender woman, by the name of, Fulvia Pellegrino. This woman was born a boy and is now in the process of transforming himself into a woman. Fulvia has had at least 127 surgeries and is still willing to have more to satisfy his desire to be a woman and feel beautiful.
I’m not so much concerned with the fact that he wants to be a woman as much as I’m worried about whether, Bill Clinton enjoyed that blow job he received, while living in the White House, allegedly! I’m more concerned about the doctors that are performing the surgeries. Being a doctor (plastic surgeon), means handling peoples skin, body tissues, blood, bone structure, and a persons life most importantly, so there should always be a strong since of ethics held in place. Clearly this woman does not example what plastic surgery promotes. Fulvia, has had at least 127 surgeries and still isn’t satisfied with her appearance? That’s, because plastic surgery only mask low self-esteem issues and identity issues. The doctors doing the surgeries only care about money, when at some point a doctor should be recommending her to another doctor, one that specializes in uplifting a person’s self esteem.
This is just not ok!!! She must be delusional to think she needs another lip filler, or bigger breast. Fulvia stated, ” I won’t stop here, I want to go ahead because it’s not perfect”. “If I reach perfection maybe I will stop.” This is insanity, shame on the plastic surgeons that continue to cut on her. With this type of mindset, its clear that she may never stop. What happens if she dies under the knife? Would one of the many doctors who cut on her be somewhat held responsible? Is there a level of standards and morals held in place, that says when enough is enough? Clearly there isn’t, because we live in a world of vanity and lust. I’m not saying she doesn’t have the right to pursue her want to be happy in her own skin, however that doesn’t mean others have to contribute to her own self destruction.
Whats even sadder is that so many people suffer from low self- esteem and now we have a medication for that, and it’s called Plastic Surgery. Is it a proven fact that plastic surgery helps those with low self-esteem? Or could it be making things worst and or masking the problem or contributing to more self hate? Which brings me to my conclusion, we have to be mindful of what we allow in the society that our children will later endure when were dead and gone. Do we really want them to be conditioned to think plastic surgery is the answer to low self-esteem? I’ts usually the prettiest girls who have low self- esteem. To me that says a lot, you have to love the core of yourself, which does not lay on the surface of who you are.
I’m not judging those that have decided to take the route of plastic surgery, maybe it was a medical reason, or you truly felt it would help you on your journey, without abusing the opportunity to be able to make physical changes to yourself. There is a fine line between wanting to make a change to simply improve who you already are inside, or truly having low self esteem in the core of your being, and thinking plastic surgery will heal your dissatisfaction with yourself. Plastic surgery is being abused, by people with lots of money, Kim Kardasian, Lil Kim, and MaMa June just to name a few. What we allow today will have a bigger impact tomorrow. Anything is possible and all is a free for all, before you know it we will be in a world of hybrid humans, 30% human and 70% robots. Ha Ha
Dear Momma,
I thought I understood what you meant when you would say you were tired. I tried to understand, but I was just a girl Ma. Your first born, your daughter, the one you called a cry baby at birth, you couldn’t turn your back without hearing my mouth, you said you would even play music to try and soothe me. I loved it when you would tell me stories about the fun wild things you would do as a child, the adventures you and my uncle John would take over train tracks in Gary, Indiana. Those crazy ass whooping’s granddaddy would give you when you used to sneak out the window, to go to the skating rink. I have a vivid memory of the details about your life, and the life we shared together. I was always sharp witted, I definitely inherited that from you. I mean its crazy how long its been since we last spoke, hugged or even said ” I love you”. Twelve hard years without your love and support. It’s weird, because you see stuff in movies and you hear about the terrible things that happen in other people lives yet you never think it could happen to you, until it actually happens to you.To experience the loss of your mother is an emotion without description.
I’m a woman now, I have two kids, and I’m a dedicated mother just like you were. I now get a glimpse of the sacrifices you made in order for us to see a meal on the table, and clothes on our backs. I’m so proud of you Mom, and amazed at your strength, you keep me going when I’m drained from taking on life alone. I say I’m alone, because the unconditional love that only a mother can give her daughter I lost the fall after my 16th birthday. Sweet sixteen, yet there was nothing sweet about the events that transpired thus after. If I would have new then what I would soon come to find out, maybe the last words I heard from you wouldn’t pierce my heart to this day. I tried to get home that night and it must have been some sort of unknown force working against me. I’m glad that we got to hang out a couple days before it all went down though. We went to see some scary movie that I cant think of the name, but would recognize the movie if I saw it. We were like friends and I know that I was “my mothers keeper.” I always tried to please you and help make your job as a mom easier in whatever way a kid new how. The burden of watching your everyday struggle and not having the power to change it, has left a hollow piece in my heart. They say prayer helps, I prayed everyday for you to get a second chance, still you struggled.
For some reason the summer of my sixteenth birthday I just didn’t sit still, you didn’t fuss. Maybe you felt guilty about me never having a normal childhood, maybe I took advantage, or maybe it was a bit of both. I was independent had me a little job and everything, saw some weird stuff too, that summer. I just didn’t want you to worry about me. I wanted to do everything myself so you didn’t have to feel guilty for not being able to afford all the things that a 16 year old girl wanted. I even offered to pay the light bill whatever I could do to make it so you didn’t have to worry. Sometimes I fantasize about what life would be like if you didn’t leave us that day. Even writing this letter seems a bit cliche, but I don’t care I have to talk to you, even though I know I will never receive a response.
Anyways, Dad kept his word and did his best to keep all you children together after you went away. We all have found our own way of living in your absence. We didn’t get grievance counseling I guess that’s for white people huh. lol I wish my brothers would have gotten some counseling since they both were there to see you fall, I sometimes wonder why I wasn’t there, and if I had been, would I have lost my mind too? The boys have struggled much more than us girls and I know its, because they did not have each other to lean on. Shortly after you passed away my baby brother was taken away too. I lost not only you but the very baby that contributed to your illness in the first place. Grudges hinder the heart but some actions can never be forgiven. Its not your fault Momma you did the best you could. I’m hear to tell your story and everyday that passes someone hears about you, someone is reminded of your smile when I smile, heck sometimes I even see you in me and in my sisters. When my sister sings I hear your voice, when my other sister draws I can see the the beautiful dolphins you used to draw, even when I play music that you used to love I can sometimes feel your energy and tears uncontrollably run down my cheek. Your life will not be for nothing, every time I think of giving up I remember how you never did.
love is infinite,
your oldest
Copyright 2017 Z.Harps
Everything Under the Sun 