You and I arn’t that diffrent, we’re all are hungry for love, quenching for trust, and longing for happiness.
My happiness was once a magic carpet, it took me for a ride everyday, I was alone, and that was ok, then I met you and you swept my magic carpet away. You could have took me with you, when it was just us two it was magical and you road my carpet until it became dingy and worn on all sides. We went everywhere together, but you were just along for the ride, you never meant to stay and now my magic carpet runs dry.
Missing someone feels like your reaching for something you wanted all your life but your arms are just too short to grasp it, or your heart is too pure for any one person to endure. Maybe missing you is the only thing that gives me life to push forward, only to fall infinitely down a dark spiraling hole. Missing you, is like losing a pinkie toe from a falling piano, severing it instantly *there is no ice nearby to save the toe* Missing you is like being in a two person canoe, without the paddles and without you… Missing you is like being invisible in a stadium full of people. It’s like believing you are beautiful, yet treated as if your a disgusting piece of rotten fruit *something you 3pt jump shot into the nearest garbage pail* Missing you, feels like I’m being chased by Jeffrey Dahmers ghost *except he eats souls and not people* Missing you, is like having the worst hangover of your life and having to force yourself to vomit just to get relief from the burning sensation that sits at the pit of your stomach. Missing you, hurts so bad it feels like the first time you ever got your heart broken, and you can feel it in every fiber of your alive yet lifeless body. I miss you so much that I’m starting to hate words like Ms, Miss, Missing, and You.
*Will time heal this annoying feeling of missing someone you hate?
I’m in nothing but pain, I can feel it in my veins, it hurts so bad that I’m ashamed, I fell for a lame, a liar, a straight womanizer, I want to set his paints on fire, for leaving a burning hole in my heart.
When will I ever learn, that just because it glitters doesn’t make it gold, Now I’m cold, I miss me so much, I’m out of touch with who I once loved, Myself!
It lingers in the darkness of something that was once tangible. Darkness like Batman’s cave, running fast like a runaway slave, out of fear, that no one will be there, to save you from whats near. I’ts scary being trapped in your own non existence, beware no one will miss it, remember I sat on the opposing side of all your lies. Its dark inside the truth, and the only one that has to face it, is you!
Its safer not to expect anything, this way you don’t feel a since of loss when your left with nothing.
Nobody ever listens to you, when you are crying out. They pretend to listen, but as soon as you turn to walk away they forget that you are suffering, they forget that you asked for help, without directly asking for help. I remember my mothers words as a young girl, “don’t let people take your kindness for weakness”. Was this a warning, that she could foresee, that I would be a doormat for people to trample over? Did she make that same mistake in her short lived life?
I’m sending a warning to myself for the future. lol I cant advise others on how to live or what to do when I have yet to master my full potential. I share my thoughts, opinions, and even ramble a little. At least I’m honest and unafraid to speak my mind. I’m honest enough to say that love weakens me, because I want it so bad. Whenever it seems or feels familiar I run at it with full speed. Everybody knows what happens when you speed, you lose sight of things. Your going so fast that you don’t see the details or the warning signs that tell you your going the wrong way. Your moving so fast that you may even pass by your actual destination, finding yourself back tracking, starting over, and trying to find your way again.
Is it fear that explains why I allow people to hurt me? Am I afraid that I will never find true love? It seems far fetched, unrealistic, and somewhat like a fantasy, but not impossible. So I have hope! I don’t ask for a lot, but trust, honesty, communication, and thoughtfulness. Is this too much to ask? Yeah maybe if a person isn’t in a relationship for love. Love isn’t hard, people make it hard with their carelessness with having someone else’s heart in their hands. Love is a universal language that all can understand and relate to. I’m not saying I have all the answers, because clearly I don’t. What I do know is love feels good and sometimes it feels bad, but the foundation should always stay the same. Love is like building a house. You start off slow and steady, aligning each brick neatly, layering concrete to make sure your foundation holds together. As you build, your house grows, and your able to see clearly threw the windows. You continue to build, soon to reach the top of your home, where you will layer your roof, to protect your home from stormy days.
This metaphor is a little shaky, but not as shaky as your relationship will be if you don’t take the necessary time needed to build a solid foundation. My advise for whoever reading this, let time slow down when you find love. Take all the time you need to build, have fun during this phase, make a few mistakes to test the durability of your relationship. Also allow yourself to keep pushing through the sweat and tears so you can see clearly through the windows of your mates soul. To me its about having a mutual understanding, an unspoken language, and really being in tuned with your partner. Love is a selfless act, one that requires much sacrifice, for you two to benefit together. Build your house of love with precision, this way your love (house) doesn’t easily grumbled whenever life (storms) happens.