You played with my love
You played with my heart
I hope that when you die you feel excruciating pain, and your nostrils fill with sticky farts.
You played with my love
You played with my heart
I hope that when you find the one you truly love, she ripped your heart apart.
Missing someone feels like your reaching for something you wanted all your life but your arms are just too short to grasp it, or your heart is too pure for any one person to endure. Maybe missing you is the only thing that gives me life to push forward, only to fall infinitely down a dark spiraling hole. Missing you, is like losing a pinkie toe from a falling piano, severing it instantly *there is no ice nearby to save the toe* Missing you is like being in a two person canoe, without the paddles and without you… Missing you is like being invisible in a stadium full of people. It’s like believing you are beautiful, yet treated as if your a disgusting piece of rotten fruit *something you 3pt jump shot into the nearest garbage pail* Missing you, feels like I’m being chased by Jeffrey Dahmers ghost *except he eats souls and not people* Missing you, is like having the worst hangover of your life and having to force yourself to vomit just to get relief from the burning sensation that sits at the pit of your stomach. Missing you, hurts so bad it feels like the first time you ever got your heart broken, and you can feel it in every fiber of your alive yet lifeless body. I miss you so much that I’m starting to hate words like Ms, Miss, Missing, and You.
*Will time heal this annoying feeling of missing someone you hate?
She sits alone in a dark place pondering, analyzing, remembering, trying to forget, a weird form of meditating if you will. As she sits, the room gets darker, time passes, and a cold chill of loneliness sweeps her heart. The dark isolation of nothing other than herself has forced her to look within for light. Her light lives deep within her soul, she fears the unknown, but knows that the only way to find herself would be to face her fears within every crevice of her being. The mirror has its everlasting gift to show the outside of ones existence, but only she can understand, realize, except, control, and express her true self. Eyes serve no purpose on the journey within…and she wonders will her journey ever end?
She is brave and fierce in her calling to serve a purpose in life. She feels an intuitive nag that confirms there is something more to her existence, she sees the inevitable beauty of the sky and sees herself being just like the sky, free and vast. She longs for true freedom, like a bird soaring through life, but only for her to feel as if she’s in a cage, confined in ugliness. She wonders on thinking is there even a such thing as happiness on earth? With all that is wrong with the world, how can one be so selfish to want happiness for ourselves, but not for others? So many questions like a small child, and she remembers when she was a small child, questions that still have no true answer without it all being crumbled by theory. The dark place gets even darker as she dives deeper into her subconscious, taping into places where creativity thrives and Epiphany’s are found.
Shes in a cave of emotion, fear fills her heart and she wonders how she keeps ending up here. Here being a place of doubt and no confidence in her emotional state in life. She realizes that all of her down falls in life and love has been, because of her lack to trust herself and understand her true feelings. It’s like being in love with two people, constantly conflicted, not sure which way to go. She’s searching deep and tears start to weld, still in a state of deep thought, she tries to forget her first heart break and the many that would come after. She digs deeper into the ruins of her past, because somewhere along the way she lost something. Going into the details of her past is not a pleasant place to be, but she knows being completely honest with herself can result in a beacon of light to pierce its way through her broken heart. A broken heart that’s desperate for mending, she finds away to look beyond her fears, and so she begins her search…
The thing about me is I come in peace. I will give you the benefit of the doubt and I will open the opportunity for you to hurt me. why? I choose to trust, and anytime you trust you risk being hurt and or let down. I cannot control what people do, but I will control myself. I’m not a liar nor hypocrite that has to put on a facade about who I am. I have no problem letting you know what I like and don’t like, so when a problem occurs or when a person starts to push negative energy my way I automatically put up my guard. I’m all good when I’m doing what you want me to do when I’m making shit easier in their life. It’s obvious that people only have there own best interest at heart and they don’t care about who they trample over or use to get there. Then these same type of people will pull the victim card as if the world owes them something. They think because your’re mom sister or girlfriend your obligated to take on their bull shit. NO!!! Not when my deepest and darkest battles to this day I fight alone. I will not pacify someone else struggles while I have to lace up my boot straps and fight through shit and break threw boulders that’s thrown my way. I offer support advise and literally at times, put myself and a jeopardizing situation for people and still am not appreciated. I’m a hopeless romantic that just wants to be loved. I don’t see why its so hard when I’m coming in peace and genuine. True love isn’t hard, because it should come naturally. Anything that comes natural is easy, fun, and simply enjoy doing it. I will fight for as long as I can. but I’m also a stronger person than I was before, and I’m brave enough to accept people for who they are. I can accept you, but I will not tolerate and or deal with you in my world. I have made it this far and my biggest downfall has been my desire to love a MAN.
I want to desire to love myself more. As soon as I’m shown you don’t care I will guard my heart and my life. I’m dealing with so much internally and I’m ready to break through, I’m not letting people and there personal issues effect my life anymore. Beat it if your not hear to bring peace love and happiness into my life on a consistent bases than you serve no purpose and I don’t want you.
Anyways I’m at work and they don’t pay me to write in my personal blog…so until next time. Stay real and stay strong 🙂
The guilt that I bare will last an eternity♥ I pray to the universe that one day you will come back to me♥ I ask my mind, to ask my heart, to forgive me♥
via Daily Prompt: Tempted
Whenever my mind sees the voluptuous shape of your lips I am Tempted, The gentle melody of the deep breaths you take when I softly kiss your neck I am Tempted, when the warmth of your palm caresses my lower back sending chills through my soul causing hairs to rise from my every pore, I am Tempted. The subtleness of your teeth meeting my collar bone send’s a river of emotion through my spine and so, I am Tempted, Each time I experience your beautiful mind, your true desires, and thee eruption of your deepest emotion’s I am Tempted. Tempted that I am to love you everlasting. To learn from you, to grow with you, to express the action that only one word can describe, and that I am tempted to Love You.
I’m always getting hurt, what the fuck, is there not one single person on the planet for me? Of the millions and billions of people on the planet the ones that I’ve encountered are never who they claim to be. How is it that I’m attracting these assholes into my life, when I’m the complete opposite of everything they stand for? I am real, honest and genuine in who I say I am. The one thing I cannot do is lie, Its never fair to manipulate and mislead someone. People are hurt constantly because of the lack of maturity in adults. Maturity and responsibility to face the result of the bullshit you stir up in other peoples lives. I’ve been single for almost a year and i swear there isn’t shit out here, Love is lost in 2016 most people don’t even believe in the purity of it.
Love is an action and when it comes to a person actions that’s what determines there love for you. You don’t have to be in love to show someone love. I show love everyday to strangers hobo’s friends family co workers, because of my actions each and every encounter I have I do my best to be genuine and real. Is it really that fucking hard to be a descent human being in the 21st century? I don’t want to be a door matte for people and I also don’t want to be so turned off by life and relationships that I become an introvert,bitter and doesn’t think there is anything good in this world. I know there is something out here for me, a calling of some sort, and if I could just place my finger on it I will open up a whole new world for me. Am I afraid? How could I be when I’m constantly taking chances on people, placing believe, faith, and false senses of reality seeing the picture in an abstract form, just to end up with what I already feel in my gut. I always try to see the good in people giving them the benefit of the doubt. The curiosity in me causes me to look past my gut feeling thus allowing me to see something in people that does not exist. I want so badly to be appreciated loved and cared for in the most Innocent way, and if I know my luck I will have to dig real deep and work hard to get want I deserve. I’ve always had to work harder than most just to obtain the simplest things in life. To really expect for a loyal healthy loving relationship to be easily obtained, clearly I’m fooling myself. To be quite honest I don’t want an easy love but a true one. You cant build a future on ill intentions, lies, and manipulation.
I’m not desperate I just want it to be real when the attraction is mutual. I don’t get off on sex like most people. I have to be mentally stimulated by you in order to feel that type of connection. So its even more special to me if/ or when I decide I want to become physical. The part that sucks is men don’t understand this and this is why in general they deal with a lot of drama from women. Stop being a coward and be honest about your intentions and what your really looking for in a relationship. A lot of times women will respect you more for just being honest; Honesty will always get you further and guarantee for viewer burned bridges. Playing games though that for adolescent mindsets and nothing good ever comes with playing when you dealing with reality. I think so many fucked up thoughts and never act on them, because I understand the power behind my actions. Its so sad that I’m almost 30 yet I see no real growth in my peers and in my relationships with men specifically.
My optimism about life and relationships allowed me to give 3 1/2 years of my life to a man who never trusted me and to this day still wants to guilt me for something i never did. I’m still working through a lot of shit and i just want a real friend. This year is coming to an end causing us all to reflect and this reflection has shown me that the only real friend you have in life is yourself. The fear of being alone causes us to seek out others to experience and obtain things we can give ourselves. Not material things, but the priceless most precious things in life. I’m going to own this new year and I feel every bit of emotion as I proclaim what I want to the universe. I want to be happy, I want to have real true honest relationships in my career, with my family, with my friends, with love, and most importantly I want to find love peace and happiness within myself.