Decisions Decisions

The way my life is set up right now I barely have time to write, however, there’s always time to think. I spend a lot of time thinking about my current circumstances and how my actions have and will continue to pave my future. My step dad used to talk about “decisions decisions decisions,” because the decisions we make directly affect our futures. The sad part, not only do these decisions affect us as individuals but it will certainly affect those that are close to us.

I say this because recently I’ve been faced with having to make some real hard decisions. Things that involve family values, finances, relationships, children, and the hardest of all sacrifice. I’m a year from thirty and I feel like the first time in a very long time I know what I don’t want. I’m still working on what I do want but I know I want love peace and most of all happiness. Not only for myself but my children and those that are close to me. Sometimes those that are close to you can affect your life not always in the most positive ways and I can’t allow others circumstances affect me and my children. This has helped enlighten the fact that it’s not all about me but has everything to do with me.

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This is where the sacrifice must be made. I either let go of what was and focus on what is to come or rid myself of the uncertain and build on what I know to be solid. I like taking the risk because the curiousness that lies within me brings forth excitement. This excitement can lead to me learning new and exciting things and helping me truly come to terms with what I really want out of my life,  rephrase I know what I want I just don’t know exactly how to get there. I’m the queen of going with the flow.

This may not be whats best for my children, the need to be solid and routine is always important. I must put my want to explore and take chances on hold while I build A solid foundation for them. This brings me back to the people in our lives and how it affects how we approach life. Have you ever been on the right course and then you let an old friend back into your life or meet someone new and everything starts to change for the worst? Maybe their reality is projecting on yours. This example can happen in the opposite effect as well. People should compliment your life not disrupt it. We should be mindful of the people around us and how their feeling and thoughts, directly and indirectly, affect us.

I have a heart of gold *my opinion lol*  It’s hard to digest that not everyone values that. They certainly want to benefit from your good qualities but don’t want to possess those same qualities themselves. I feel as if I’m reaching a new point of understanding and I don’t have time to teach capable and able adults instead I have to be better for my babies, the universe knows my heart, and I ask God to help me and continue me on the right path to true success and happiness.


“I can show you but I cant make you see, in order to see you have to be willing to open your eyes.”

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Philando Castile: Mondern Day Lynchings?

Here we go again..*inmyDMXvoice! I am not at all surprised at the verdict of the late Philando Castile. *My deepest condolences to his family*  Doesn’t this remind you of  PicNics (Pick-a-Nigga)..you know where whites would pick a nigga and hang him for no good reason( just for fun)! lynchings were like a circus show to Caucasians, but Blacks are the crazy barbaric ones? People, these public killings of Black Men and Women serves as a reminder that African Americans are not valued and never will be valued in America! This is coming from a woman who is lost in a foreign land. My history was burned and stolen so that I can be confused at this very moment in time about who I am and where I truly come from. I feel angry! I feel like we have to do something and fuck that marching shit because it hasn’t done a thing, but destroy the neighborhoods we live in and give the media ratings. If marching is supposed to awaken those that are sleep, I would have to say that it’s no surprise at African Americans predicament in this country. In a variety of areas such as health care, demographics, the water we drink, and even the matter of life and death.

I’m so sick of everybody turning a blind eye to the injustice of Blacks in this country. Better yet our government doesn’t  turn a blind eye, they simply say fuck us, with the outcome of every single unlawful death committed by police officers. This is not a coincidence folks. This is plain out racist privileged bullshit happening right before our eyes ..If live footage that millions have seen doesn’t help a man get justice for being wrongfully killed by a police officer Sanchez Asshole, what the fuck will? Sanchez gets to go home to his family while millions of African Americans sit back on their sofa’s and digest how much our lives aren’t valued and that in any given moment your life can be taken. That’s a hard pill to swallow yet we do it every day. No matter how much we follow the law it is not equal, so we are at risk every day we walk out of our homes. I have a son who is going to be a full grown man, he is at risk of being murdered by police, just because he’s black! A lot of the minorities benefit from what my ancestors endured yet we walk alone in our struggle? We’re looked down upon in this foreign land. We were robbed beaten rapped for 100’s of years and it’s still happening right before our eyes. The public killings we’ve seen on camera over the past year alone is what I call Modern Day Lynchings. A way for white power struck government to show off their power! *In a land they stole from the indigenous people that were already here*

To add, the fact that all social media and news reporting networks are constantly playing the footage over and over again is baffling to me. No matter how graphic, no matter the time of day they just continue to display the footage. Why do they continue to play the video over and over and over again? I will tell you a few reasons why…1st of all its clear that people of power within our government would like to remind us that the law is not on our side nor equal to that of a white people or police officers, especially if the same crime had been committed except in reverse. For example, if a black police officer let off seven shots on a white male with a child and the man’s girlfriend in the car, I believe the jury would have found some why to convict that black officer. The reason you never hear of this scenario occurring is, that black police officers are aware of the injustice within the organization they represent, that the justice system is not at all on his black ass side (meaning not equal to that of white privileged people/ police officers). A black police officer would not be acquitted for killing white Tom *plane and simple*.  2nd It’s also to remind African Americans that they are not valued and that their life most importantly means nothing in the court of law. *what about common/ natural law* We all know the shooting was not justified. Officer Sanchez should have spent more time resolving the traffic light issue and asking for Philando’s gun, instead of being afraid of him just because he’s black, then panicking. Is the police force training rookie officers to be more aggressive with blacks than with whites? If so that is discriminative in itself.  Lastly and most importantly the police, the government, and the media want to condition us to be comfortable and ok with events like this becoming the norm. *this is far from normal*

I have an 8-year-old daughter who is aware of all that is going, just from her peers alone. *I also explain to her the best way I know how why this is happening* How does society think this is affecting our children? Common displays of repeated offenses of this kind will only desensitize our future generation. They want to continue to plant fear in us and our children. Shame on Fox news and all the other asshole reporting agencies and networks for mocking Philando’s death by continuing to display the footage. I think that angers me more than anything because my child shouldn’t be exposed to viewing such violent crimes being done to a man that looks similar to her father. *All over a broken tail light* Oh, he had a gun, and he had every right to carry that gun being a law abiding citizen fo the United States, and Philando disclosed that information to the police officer Sanchez. Philando, his girlfriend, and her daughter were on their way to do something as a family, they didn’t go looking for Sanchez to open fire on him. Meaning Philando had no intent to use his gun against the officer. Him being licensed in the first place displays his obedience to follow the law, and he loses his life for it? A whole nation of people in shock yet again!

*You might have won the battle, but we will Win the WAR: Against police brutality*

*Stop Modern day Lynchings*

An example of White Privilege: https://youtu.be/W_FkzbTf-KM *copy and paste this link*

Reflection: Shadow

It lingers in the darkness of something that was once tangible. Darkness like Batman’s cave, running fast like a runaway slave, out of fear, that no one will be there, to save you from whats near. I’ts scary being trapped in your own non existence, beware no one will miss it, remember I sat on the opposing side of all your lies. Its dark inside the truth, and the only one that has to face it, is you!


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Freedom Is In The World Around You

Freedom is not just something we obtain in a physical form, but also in how we think. Its about how one perceives the circumstances their faced with in life. For example one may spend everyday behind bars and still feel free, maybe even more than a person who is on the outside world. A person can have all the riches and still not be free, yet they feel like a slave to there own existence. Freedom is a state of mind and with knowing this were able to live more fulfilling lives. We are then able to express our true power.

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The root word to freedom is “FREE”! Nothing is free in this world and it seems there is a price you must pay. Most are laboring day in and day out, slaves to their bills of providing basic necessities like, housing, food, and clothes. In life we are not meant to be content and confined to our circumstances. Living free of burden and worry is how it really should be. Why do so many believe that this freedom that I’m describing is for us after death. Freedom can be obtained now in life. Free your dome of the disbelief that real love peace and happiness cannot be obtained until after you die. To believe this you will never see the need to truly free your dome (mind). Rid yourself of the negative burdens of false teachings. Open up your mind to allow the process of free-dome to begin.